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Tue, Apr. 26th, 2011, 01:04 am
Storm Update

No quote tonight, but first all is well and I'm fine from all the storms.

Today's been a little rough. It's a lot
of personal life stuff that's always hard to deal with since so much of it is out of my ability to do anything about.

For example my grandmother got back from the doctor today (Mom's side for people that keep up) and she has Lumbar spine stenosis so she has an appointment with a surgeon to
see if it's better for her activity level to have a major procedure or just "live with it."

That's just one thing. Some people have it far worse, but I find it's the amount of things that weigh on me rather than one item that drags me down. Like the "sneaky hate spiral," it's the mass of events as much as the weight of a singular issue.

Heh, this is what Giles Corey felt like.

When I talk about "bags of poop" that life hands me, the worst are the ones you can't do anything about. Certainly some of them are transitory, and in some cases there is the hope and potential for something really amazing to come from something horrible you are going through, but when the present isn't pleasant it's rough going.

So that's where my headspace is and I may go a little more "radio silent" while I pick through it all and still try to do things to try and keep in a modicum of good cheer. Someone gave me some good advice once on ending the day with a good note, so I am going to try and stick to that (the one this evening is a funny incident with a small yapping dog).

G'night world, and if more storms hit I hope to see you all in the Land of Oz.

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Mon, Apr. 25th, 2011, 07:14 pm

Power out, tornado sirens going off, and according to my iPhone perhaps a couple of tornadoes about eight miles away (Let alone the flash flooding in Conway and warnings for the whole county).

But man...this lightning is amazing to watch. UPDATE: Power back, a church right over where I get off the highway damaged, power lines down, and about 30 feet from where my place is I saw lightning hit a tree. Apparently some cars are being blown off the highway at locations.

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Sun, Apr. 24th, 2011, 11:30 pm
Random Sleeplessness and Gut Feelings

"When you feel in your gut what you are and then dynamically pursue it - don't back down and don't give up - then you're going to mystify a lot of folks."

-Bob Dylan

I hate it when I take a nap in the middle of the day (due to food coma), and then can't get back to sleep later at night.

I equally dislike a sort of "phantom limb" type sensation after waking up that I have described to a few folks.

In time I think that will be less of an issue, gut feelings and all that.

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Sun, Apr. 24th, 2011, 01:27 pm

"Action is the antidote to despair."

-Joan Baez

Good friends visited with yesterday, with later good news from one of them...check.

Coffee and beignets with Cajun food for lunch yesterday...check.

Beer and good food for dinner yesterday with other friend...check.

Decent Saturday game...check.

Some good news and tidings in my inbox...check.

Mood improved...now for Easter dinner with the family.

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Sat, Apr. 23rd, 2011, 01:01 pm
Crawling From The Wreckage

"Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity."

-Carl Gustav Jung

I just woke up.

So my week has sort of ended like a car wreck. It almost did literally at one point.

Thursday did not end on a good note, and with regards to certain items I tend to pick them apart in my head ad infinitim until I find a solution or drive myself nuts. At times it comes in handy, and at others it's a horrible flaw. So that was that.

So I was in a black mood most of yesterday, after work I was spending time with my family, and they ended up watching some country music special. As some Joss Whedon dialogue has suggested in the past, this is not conducive to good thoughts, so I change clothes and decide to go to one of our local games.

Then someone crossed the center lane as I am driving there because they apparently reasoned that they pay taxes on both sides of the road, once again proving my crisis driving skills remain intact.

All of the above didn't help my mood for interacting with other people at said game, and I had to leave the room at one point (no one's fault, but a sort of landmine that no one is aware of popped up in a side conversation that I overheard). At least I didn't snap at anyone.

At least I read something nice when I got up.
A little bittersweet considering the aforementioned personal mental tendency, but still nice to read.

I think I'm going to visit one of the nicest people I know for lunch again. She's got an uncanny ability for making me feel better and is a good friend (methinks her mutant power is always being nice and her changing hair color).

So I'm going to try to take a breath and crawl from the wreckage here, and hope that the rest of the weekend has good things in it.

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Thu, Apr. 21st, 2011, 07:45 pm

"Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters."

-Victor Hugo

This was my day so far...

World: How is it going?
Me: Oh...you. I see you have some bags there.
World: I indeed do.
Me: What are in the bags?
World: Well here is some standard bad stuff, just general work stuff....
Me: Mmmnn hmmmm...
World: Here's kind of a large bag of the bad stuff, but nothing you can't handle.
Me: Right, right, part for course...
World: Oh! And this one, you know that message that you weren't sure on/needed clarification on that you asked about at work?
Me: Riiiiiight....
World: Automated email response, so you'll have to wait on that too. Not sure as to the circumstances either, suppose you'll have to wait.
Me: *gives the World the finger*
World: Hey! What was...
Me: I'm due. I'm not the only one. Like someone told me this week, this boat sucks and I want another one.
World: Well, I don't owe you anything, I was here before you...
Me: Right, don't give shit. Due.
World: We'll see what we can do...

Sort of a rough day, but I'm not going to let it get to me. Hope is a funny thing.

Maybe do an of town game this weekend, looking at visiting some folks in May, and certainly doing so in June (all non convention related).

Now...dinner with the guys. Thursday is steak day.

Wed, Apr. 20th, 2011, 11:42 pm
Odd Day

"The greatest tragedy in life is not so much what men suffer, but rather what they miss."

-Thomas Carlyle

So today was rainy, as this is the week of it it seems, and a fair amount was accomplished at the bureaucracy mills.

That Carlyle quote sort of popped in my head and it reminded me of people I never get to see...though there is always the hope of later days. I think some of that will be rectified in May. My gut tells me so, that or more travel on my end.

With that said, it is strange week or so when you end up having a number of good conversations with some of your best friend's ex girlfriends, but when I think about it I've been friends with and get along with the parties in question.

I had a profound conversation with one on the concept of "team" with reference to her impending marriage. It sort of cemented the one thing I have figured out, and what I want is a partner rather than to be in charge or have someone try to do the same. In the end, it's good to have your own observations mirrored in those of others.

Favorite show watched...now to read and sleep. Oddly enough I've got a strange yet positive vibe on tomorrow.

It's that or the cold beer plus hot shower.

Cryptic Journal Is Cryptic:

"Phone tag...actually you don't sleep like us normal people so I may call before I crash here."

"I think my gut has worked out a timeline. I am curious to see how accurate it is."

"Do not forget: I have turned in all of my gold stars. I think it's worth it." *chuckles*

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Tue, Apr. 19th, 2011, 08:33 pm

Not a profound post mind you, but the sudden loud blaring of the tornado sirens on the day when Skynet is supposed to go active is a little eerie.

I suppose I should go check the weather.

*turns on the news*

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Mon, Apr. 18th, 2011, 10:16 pm
Random Aside

Facebook, what little I check on it via my phone, nailed me today.

Between a quote a friend put up and a meme several friends placed...both sort of hit close to home.

It is a good thing they did so far as what it says in the end when I assess it, but close nonetheless.

However I'm still ending my night on a good note.

*checks calendar, listens to watch, and goes back to reading*

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Sun, Apr. 17th, 2011, 11:45 pm
Feeling Better

"The whole difference between construction and creation is exactly this: that a thing constructed can only be loved after it is constructed; but a thing created is loved before it exists."

-Charles Dickens

So the weekend went fairly well. Good games held, ranging from troupe to club stuff (though some stuff that is going down with my "good guy toon" is like something out of a novel), and TT Shadowrun went well today (Note: Physical Adept Gunslinger in 3rd Edition = Grammaton Cleric from Equilibrium).

Most importantly, I feel a lot better and am basically back to good health after this whole stomach bug. This means as soon as possible some level of adventure must occur.

Mind you I could just up and do it, but I think I'm "waiting for my moment" more than anything else on it. It has been my experience that the right moment is important for undertaking adventures. *sage nod*

People have been sending me things for Chikalb in a couple of weeks or so (aka. "Not a Con"), and while I'm sure I'd have fun, it's a long drive. Since it's only one day and doable I am considering it (i.e. no need to take time off), but I'm still pretty sure that's not "the moment." I sort of have a love/hate relationship with the city of Chicago as is, so I might just pass on it.

Work is nuts again. Between the recent trip, being ill, and then a training day (while ill) there is a ton for me to do...and nothing to do but to do it. Funny...that line reminds me of line from my Dad when working outside and worrying about the getting something done rather than just "getting to the doing." It was pretty insufferable to hear at the time, but was still sort of wise.

Anyway, I'm off to bed, given to my good thought with ticking sound to keep it company, and the sleep of the just.

Cryptic Journal Is Cryptic:

"Welcome back to Moodyville! Keep me informed as always. I still say go with the first picture."

"One week down, two to go, but I think I'll hear word before then. Call it a hunch."

"Still proud of you."

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